Third Watch
by uncer giedd geador
Summary: Sat on watch together, Bilbo and Kíli take the opportunity to discuss beards, the lack of them, and the irresponsibility of youth.
1. Chapter 1

**My take on an odd little point in the film-verse...**

Third Watch

Bilbo was awoken from his pleasant dream (it involved a warm hearth, he remembered, a good foaming tankard and an old book of maps of his) by a foot in his side. Gentle but firm. Perhaps a bit more of the firm, dwarves being what they were. He briefly considered rolling over and trying to drift back into his dream as Bofur clambered back into his own bedroll besides him, then remembered whose company he was in. Thorin… well he could easily imagine what Thorin would say if he found he had skipped his watch. And, Bilbo thought miserably, most of it would be true.

Despite that, he still felt a spark of annoyance when he stood up to find Kíli pulling on his own cloak. "A double watch," he muttered, slightly bitter. Obviously they didn't trust him to stay awake on his own.

"Apparently I am too irresponsible to be left unchaperoned," Kíli murmured in response. The glint of humour in his eyes was enough to alleviate the supposed slight, though Bilbo still had some doubts.

The hobbit took a good look round to prove that he was doing his duty, then settled down to prod at the campfire's embers. "I thought you normally shared your watches with Fíli?"

"Alas, we are both considered too irresponsible to be left alone together."

Bilbo grinned, not particularly surprised. He knew that Thorin had 'had words' with the pair recently, but personally he didn't mind their sense of fun. Kíli paced around their camp, checking. He made a better job of it than Bilbo did, sword ready on his back, but still took the opportunity to leap nimbly over the recumbent Bombur's form.

"Is that what got you into trouble?"

"Yes." Kíli admitted. "I can manage a row of four. Bombur not included. Fíli can only manage three."

Bilbo glanced along the rows of snoring dwarves, and grimaced.

"Regrettably our uncle was last in line. He's well-hidden under that cloak." Kíli smiled a smile of happy reminiscence. "It was worth it though."

Briefly wondering whether he had unwittingly been involved in this competition, Bilbo watched as the young dwarf settled down next to his sleeping brother and moved on to another question. "Which of you two is the youngest?"

"I am."

Bilbo nodded to himself. "I thought so."

Kíli looked up at him sharply. "Why?"

"Well, you know… the beard. Lack of it, rather."

Kíli's face held an expression somewhere between embarrassment, irritation and amusement, and Bilbo was suddenly worried that he had offended him. After all, the rest of the dwarves all took their beards very seriously, to the extent that Bilbo was beginning to feel odd just for not having one… But Kíli merely raised a hand to his face to touch the light stubble there and said simply "It grows slowly." Then he softly tangled his hands in his sleeping brother's hair instead.

Bilbo watched his careful movements and decided not to ask. Perhaps this was a brotherly dwarf thing?

"I used to have a beard." Kíli said suddenly.

"You did?" Bilbo paused, looking over to where Glóin was using his as a pillow.

"Not as large as that," Kíli admitted, fingers busy.

"And you shaved it off?"

"No." The tone of disparagement made Bilbo suspect that his guess about the dwarves and their beards was right.

"What happened then?"

"I woke one morning and it was gone." Kíli kept his head down in concentration. Bilbo now realised that he was braiding Fíli's hair. Lots of thin, fine braids.

"Gone?"

The dwarf looked up, a slight smile on his face. "It happened about a week before we came to Hobbiton, while we were travelling together." He gave his brother a sharp, yet loving, glance.

"Ah." Understanding suddenly dawned for Bilbo.

"He still hasn't confessed." Kíli reached over to bend a nearby low-hanging branch slightly closer to him. "But I'm certain it was him." His eyes narrowed. "And he keeps complimenting me on how youthful I look without it. As do the others." He carefully began to knot each of the individual braids to the twigs of the tree branch.

"Ah. Ah. Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Yes." Kíli grinned. "But remember," he slipped seamlessly into an impression of Thorin, "that I am an irresponsible young dwarf with no real understanding of the big wide world, who has been cruelly led astray by his elder brother."

"Of course." Bilbo sat next to him, trying not to laugh. "Here, I know a better knot for that."

~O~

After that, Bilbo was unsurprised to find that he was never asked to share a watch with either of the brothers again.


	2. Chapter 2

**At last...**

Awakening

This time Bilbo was woken by a muffled cry of shock, followed by a yell. "Kíli!"

He decided it was probably best to pretend he was still asleep. But he managed to shuffle over slightly so that if he just cracked his eyelids open a little bit he could almost see…

"Fíli! Are you alright?"

"You sneaky…"

"What? What have I done?"

Dwalin's rich throaty laughter rang around the camp. "You seem to have got tangled in a bush overnight, Fíli!"

"Tied. Not tangled. Tied."

"Would you like me to untie you?"

"Kíli, if you come anywhere near my head again…"

"What makes you think it was me in the first place?"

"Who else would it be?"

"Err… Bilbo?"

Bilbo squeezed his eyes tight hurriedly, just in case.

"Good try."

"Yeah, don't bring the burglar into it."

Bilbo couldn't quite see now, his view blocked by the circle of amused dwarves congregating round their stricken comrade.

"Do you want me to help untangle…"

"No! I can do it myself. Ow!"

"Don't pull it lad, it'll just get tighter."

"Good knot work, that."

"I told you, it wasn't me."

"I think you're going to have to cut it."

"No!"

"No, it's the only way. Lop it off, you should only lose about half of it. It's either that or you go around all day with a branch stuck to your head…"

"Bofur, shut up!"

"So this is what I get then, is it, when I tell you all we are to be away by first light?" Thorin's voice cut through the tumult of catcalls and suggestions like a stone plunging through the dark waters of a well. "One of my nephews tied to a tree and the rest of you stood around smirking?"

Bilbo considered crawling further under the blankets, hoping no one would wonder why he hadn't made an appearance yet.

"Kíli?"

"Yes?"

"Was this you?"

"N- Maybe."

"Right. Untangle that mess now, and we'll talk later. The rest of you, start packing." Thorin raised a hand to stop the twin chorus of 'but's. "Kíli, I don't care what he did to your beard. It wasn't holding us up then. Fíli, shut up and let him help you. Much as it might amuse us all to watch you trying to untie knots behind your head, it is not helping us get to Erebor."

The crowd scattered, and Bilbo quietly slid out of his bedroll, listening to the hushed bickering in the corner.

"Don't pull it so hard."

"You baby."

"Was it you?"

"Did you shave off my beard? My first beard?"

"Obviously."

"Yes, I did, then."

"You like it really."

"Shut up."

"You do. It suits you. Ow! And I know you're keeping it that way."

"Am not!"

"Are!"

"It's easier for shooting."

"Uh-huh. Right. Ow!"

Bilbo isn't quite sure, but he thinks that as he turns round to pull on his coat he catches a glimpse of Thorin stifling a laugh.


End file.
